June 20, 2012: hmm, that's a good question. i don't know

"What do you do?"

 I get that question a lot these days. I wake up at 10AM and think about the things I could do. I could apply to more jobs, which initially started off as only fashion/styling related positions and now I find myself applying to just about anything... I could beef-up my portfolio. I could edit my website. I could do a lot. What do I do?

I choose to be scared shitless.

I am terrified of life. I am overwhelmed by life. I am laughing about this fear, too. This is mainly because nobody every teaches you to be scared and to handle those fearful feelings. Nobody says, "it's okay to be scared," really. I feel paralyzed with fear and anxiety that even though I'm twenty-three, even though I have a lot of life left to live, even though I'd be perfectly fine not having "the job" right now, even though this is a run-on sentence I am mortified I will make some major mistake right now in my life that will irrevocably change the way it's supposed to travel.

For the first time (in a very long time) I feel 100% emotionally responsible for myself. That is, my happiness is completely in my own hands. That's a scary thought.

"What do you do?"

I drink a lot of coffee and pretend I know what life is. (Insert witty remark here).


December 6, 2011: looking into the glass

So, it's been a while (my apologies).

During the Thanksgiving break I was confronted a lot, by family and friends, with my potential plans for next year. These plans, mind you, are made from tape and ripped out magazine photographs--this is a metaphor. I've been juggling a few options, some more feasible than others, and I rotate my answers to the stress-inducing question, "So, what do you think you'll be doing next year?"

1. Move back to Boston and work: This is the most realistic of my plans, as I will end up returning to Boston after graduation for the summer months. I could find a job at a cool boutique in the budding North End, or its more fashionable sister, the South End. This plans includes moving in with friends in the city (the city, not Cambridge or Somerville, too collegiate for me and, let's be honest, only the cool kids live there). I give this plan a mediocre, just solid three stars out of six (***).

2. Fashion in NYC, or bust: Apply, interview, beef up my portfolio, unleash the epic style-storm that is Me (what's the disease when you have delusions on grandeur? I think have that sometimes...), live the New York lifestyle that I could easily sell my soul to for the right price. In this plan, I'd apply to all of those fashion companies that part of me wants to be with so badly. However, this plan involves the very big factor of the hiring process. And the game of NYC jobs is all in the numbers, which means I'd have to put the best-Me forward and get used to rejection, and build a thick skin, yadda yadda, blah, blah. This plan gets three stars, too--mainly because this is the plan I've been preparing for for the past 4 years. (***).

3. Graduate Studies: I've been looking at a lot of M.F.A. programs for Applied Art, Design, and Craft. I like the idea of being connected to a city that's undergoing change and a rebirth. To live and study in a place like Portland, Vancouver, Chicago, or Pittsburg would be kind of a sweet taste. Not to mention that the average age of a Portland resident is 20-something, I could start dating again....erm, continuing dating (that would make Mum happy). There's a real future that seems tangible in this plan. This plan could be like the second book in the series of Me. I don't know. This plan also gets three stars......dammit (***).

4. Get going: Should I travel around? There's a lot of the world I haven't seen, a many places I want to revisit. When you're older and with a profession and a family, etc. traveling is harder. Should I get the travel bug out of me now? This plan gets four stars because I'm a dreamer (****)

5. Korea?: teaching English in Seoul could be a) lucrative and b) emotionally fulfilling, not to mention that I'd be able to learn Korean to teach my (potential) children....all 5 of them... :) But there's a darker side to this whole Korea-business that might not be super fun to handle and deal with in a city half a world away from home. That makes me nervous. Also, I'd get REAL fat. (**)

As you can see I have a lot of options, which is a good thing. I think at this point with so many options on the table, I'm bound to pick one of them....did that makes sense? With so many options to choose from, I think that's a sign that I want more for myself. So, good signs in general, no?

(5 minutes later)

With all the talk of the future I've been having decorating dreams...? I keep having these dreams where I'm sitting in a kitchen that has all of these really cute knickknacks and Anthropologie-esque kitchen utensils and equipment. The kind of young and bohemian-like place that I'd find myself baking cupcakes in at 4:00 AM... So I sit in the kitchen, I'm pretty sure there's a ladder with some sort of loft area, with the morning sun streaming in all pale and smooth and I feel really happy, like there's a sense of accomplishment about the room.

Now all I want to do is find that studio apartment and start decorating with secondhand and thrift store finds...

Is this normal?


July 13: 2011: A United [Olympic] Korea?

North Korea expressed its hope that South Korea would co-host the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang. Pyeongchang will be the first Asian city outside of Japan to host an Olympic even. Japan hosted the 1972 Sapporo and 1998 Nagano Winter Games, as well as the 1964 Tokyo Summer Games.

Pyeongchang ran bids for both the 2010 and 2014 Winter Games, losing to eventual host cities Vancouver, Canada and Sochi, Russia.

It is a completely positive sign that North Korea wishes to show its support (in a small way) for a unified Korean Peninsula. In both the 2000 and 2004 Summer Olympics a united Korean team walked in the opening ceremony. South Korea and Japan even set aside historical and cultural differences to host the 2002 FIFA World Cup. I'm saying that it is possible, right?

There is a prestige that the Olympic Games (and global sporting events) bring that transcends international and political strife, however it is not an excuse to disregard those political issues. So, is North Korea even capable of successfully co-hosting an Olympic Games?

North Korea is plagued with negativity, to say the least. Within the sporting world, North Korea has been a bit unpredictable. There was the success of the country's first female Gymnastics Olympic Medal, by Hong Un Jong and her triple-twist Yurchenko vault. But controversy soon followed with the Jong's sister, Hong Su Jong's, ban from the 2012 London Olympics (check out the article here!) Further there was the mystery around the 2010 South Africa FIFA World Cup North Korea team that momentarily stunned Brazil with their goal (North Korea would eventually lose 2-1).

But athletics aside, North Korea is the butt of many joke. Recently the NBC comedy show, "30 Rock," made fun of the country's food shortage, as well as its deranged leader, Kim Jong Il (played expertly by Margaret Cho). There are numerous blogs about the oddity of the country (Kim Jong Il Looking At Things Tumblr).

Politically, North Korea continues to be an unpredictable country, one that seemingly likes to test the international waters. There was a nuclear-bomb scare; the alleged North Korean torpedo that sunk the South Korean ship, Cheonan; and the bombing of a South Korean island in 2010 (the NYTimes article here!).

I ask again, is North Korea capable of co-hosting the Winter Olympics? Not really, no; that's my opinion.

My issue is that North Korea showed their interest after the fact. There were two previous opportunities for North Korea to seek a joint-bid with South Korea. The attention and reputation the Olympic Games will bring South Korea is going to be unprecedented, and I think, change the way the world views the country. South Korea is already gaining a lot of traction with its title as World Design Capital in 2010; figure skating star, Kim Yu Na; and budding Fashion Industry that most insiders know is the "New Tokyo." South Korean students are a common fixture in prestigious colleges and universities worldwide. South Korean golfer, Y.E. Yang, de-throned Tiger Woods in 2009. Is North Korea a little jealous?

There has always been a sort of, in my opinion, sibling rivalry between the two Korean countries. It seems, at a simplified opinion, that North Korea wants to be able to capitalize on the 10-year efforts of South Korea. This could well be a wolf dressed in sheep's skin.


Check out this Universal Sports article here!

July 13: 2011: hmm...

Sometimes I forget the world doesn't work the way I think it should in my head...oops.

The great thing about the human race is that there are infinite amounts of perspectives. This is also its downfall.



June 27, 2011: this is memorable

"Love. Where does it come from? Who lit this flame in us?" - The Thin Red Line (1998)


June 23, 2011: from the archives, sorta

Munich, April 2011: Beer+Pretzel+Germany=Really Happy

Does it really get any better than that?


June 17, 2011: kind of like a tree

A poem about trees(?) maybe...

We both suck up the oh-two
like it's true to me or you,
and who knew I'd find these grips
slipped under my feet grabbing at the ground
all around me
holding me to the world.

A tree's got rings for every year,
I've got my memories traveling
in concentric circles but still
within me until I let just the smallest
set of words slip out.

Who knew I'd be a tree