December 6, 2011: looking into the glass

So, it's been a while (my apologies).

During the Thanksgiving break I was confronted a lot, by family and friends, with my potential plans for next year. These plans, mind you, are made from tape and ripped out magazine photographs--this is a metaphor. I've been juggling a few options, some more feasible than others, and I rotate my answers to the stress-inducing question, "So, what do you think you'll be doing next year?"

1. Move back to Boston and work: This is the most realistic of my plans, as I will end up returning to Boston after graduation for the summer months. I could find a job at a cool boutique in the budding North End, or its more fashionable sister, the South End. This plans includes moving in with friends in the city (the city, not Cambridge or Somerville, too collegiate for me and, let's be honest, only the cool kids live there). I give this plan a mediocre, just solid three stars out of six (***).

2. Fashion in NYC, or bust: Apply, interview, beef up my portfolio, unleash the epic style-storm that is Me (what's the disease when you have delusions on grandeur? I think have that sometimes...), live the New York lifestyle that I could easily sell my soul to for the right price. In this plan, I'd apply to all of those fashion companies that part of me wants to be with so badly. However, this plan involves the very big factor of the hiring process. And the game of NYC jobs is all in the numbers, which means I'd have to put the best-Me forward and get used to rejection, and build a thick skin, yadda yadda, blah, blah. This plan gets three stars, too--mainly because this is the plan I've been preparing for for the past 4 years. (***).

3. Graduate Studies: I've been looking at a lot of M.F.A. programs for Applied Art, Design, and Craft. I like the idea of being connected to a city that's undergoing change and a rebirth. To live and study in a place like Portland, Vancouver, Chicago, or Pittsburg would be kind of a sweet taste. Not to mention that the average age of a Portland resident is 20-something, I could start dating again....erm, continuing dating (that would make Mum happy). There's a real future that seems tangible in this plan. This plan could be like the second book in the series of Me. I don't know. This plan also gets three stars......dammit (***).

4. Get going: Should I travel around? There's a lot of the world I haven't seen, a many places I want to revisit. When you're older and with a profession and a family, etc. traveling is harder. Should I get the travel bug out of me now? This plan gets four stars because I'm a dreamer (****)

5. Korea?: teaching English in Seoul could be a) lucrative and b) emotionally fulfilling, not to mention that I'd be able to learn Korean to teach my (potential) children....all 5 of them... :) But there's a darker side to this whole Korea-business that might not be super fun to handle and deal with in a city half a world away from home. That makes me nervous. Also, I'd get REAL fat. (**)

As you can see I have a lot of options, which is a good thing. I think at this point with so many options on the table, I'm bound to pick one of them....did that makes sense? With so many options to choose from, I think that's a sign that I want more for myself. So, good signs in general, no?

(5 minutes later)

With all the talk of the future I've been having decorating dreams...? I keep having these dreams where I'm sitting in a kitchen that has all of these really cute knickknacks and Anthropologie-esque kitchen utensils and equipment. The kind of young and bohemian-like place that I'd find myself baking cupcakes in at 4:00 AM... So I sit in the kitchen, I'm pretty sure there's a ladder with some sort of loft area, with the morning sun streaming in all pale and smooth and I feel really happy, like there's a sense of accomplishment about the room.

Now all I want to do is find that studio apartment and start decorating with secondhand and thrift store finds...

Is this normal?

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