April 23, 2010: like a prayer

I'm sitting on my bed doing research for my Photoshop for Fashion Presentation final (which we were finally assigned and subsequently revealed to us that the project is due May 6th....). The final consists of taking a person or character (a humanoid thing, really) and sending them to a historical period or place, then we bring them back to a present-day location. Kim Yu Na is my person and she is traveling back in time to the coronation of Queen Elizabeth I, and then she returns to the forest around Vancouver. I immediately knew I wanted to use Kim Yu Na as inspiration, as I have been feeling like I haven't been tending to my whole "adoptee-centric" part of me. Being almost done with school and the impending summer fast approaching, I find myself realizing that I went to Korea last summer.... almost a year ago!

Back to my final project.... I thought that Kim Yu Na embodies beauty, grace, a champion's attitude, competitive spirit, and sense of elegance that I am attracted too. Also, she is the most well-known Korean in the country and the world. Her nickname is "Queen Yu Na" and the Olympic games was her coronation (hence the choosing of the most beloved English Monarch, Queen Elizabeth I, for a time reference). I chose to send her to the forest around Vancouver, not only because that is the place of her Olympic feat, but also for the sheer natural beauty of the landscape (something I wish to experience first-hand). I'm doing a whole play on being a queen of something, of figure skating, of a country, of the woods, etc.

And I think about the fact that Kim Yu Na is more than a year younger than me and she is so accomplished. I wish to be recognized. I think this is why I decided to be a fashion illustration T.A. next year and will probably take on a similar role in freshmen foundation sewing. I want to be known in the program, in the department, for not only being a good fashion design student, but a fashion design student who gives back to his peers. I hate the negativity in the studio, although I contribute to it sometimes. I hate that when someone is good they are made fun of. There's this dude in my year who is an impeccable sewer. There is no way around it and everyone knows. God also knows he lacks a real "fashion forward" creative bone (strong evidence comes from all of his garments, which are costume-y, explaining why he was originally in costume design before switching into fashion). The point is, he is an amazing sewer and people make fun of him for that, myself included. Now, we might be making fun of the fact that he is a total throw back designer, focusing on the "exquisite detailing of the seams," or the "jeweled brooch accents." I mean, the kid is kind of full of himself, but he has a reason to be (in terms of construction and execution). I want to be like him. I want to be so fucking good at fashion that people make fun of me. And I want to be able to roll that negativity off my back, smiling quietly to myself because I know where their mockery comes from.

My therapist says I am too easily swayed by other people's moods. This is true. I hate that. And it's not just people, but movies, songs, books, anything with a strong emotional chord. And I feel like this being in-tune to emotion has helped me get in touch with some unclear feelings I have about being gay, about adoption, about growing up different. So I'm trying to be less affected by the emotional sway of life, but it gets hard sometimes. And when it gets hard I listen to GLEE and I feel better.

Yes, I know it's 4 in the morning, but I just finished a huge mug of coffee and I'm planning on getting some work done-zo!


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