August 13, 2009: How do I even function anymore?

I've only been back for 2 days, barely, and I'm having trouble coming back to this life. I can't even imagine having a full transition back to my life here because how could any Korean adoptee adjust back to normalcy after a trip like that? I have this disgust now for everything that I once liked. I hate that too.

Why can't I just be back here, in my home in Massachusetts, and that be enough? I just want someone to give me some sort of formula to be happy. I feel like an addict, and Seoul was my drug of choice.

I'm changing my life-plan. I'm rearranging because all I want is to find my way back to Korea.


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  2. I totally feel you! On my last night in Korea, asfter we had departed from my siblings (a night of noribongs and laughs/tears)I was aside myself..I cried out loud as our taxi driver took us back to the hotel. I kept crying out my sister's name and few other expressions of love and sorry that I knew in husband did not know what to do. The taxi driver kept telling me that it was okay and to keep crying. My husband felt like crying was all so overwhelming! He kind of joked later saying, "i wonder if the driver thought I was taking you away from your family!" I was a mess! When I came home, I was soooo depressed. I dreamed and fantasied about moving to korea but knew I could not do that without affecting so many people here. It felt unfair to find them and then to be yanked away only days later. My life had changed and with this change came new set of priorities and a new way to look at my past, present, and my future. -Thanks!