June 27, 2009: But what if I don't see it all?

I emailed in my application for the G.O.A.L. program I'm hoping to go to Korea through. Regardless of if I get into it or not, I know I am going to Korea in August. I feel like this is the right moment in time for me to go. It just feels right.

My mother, who cannot stop being a mother, has insisted that I do some "emotional preparation" before heading off. I think that this is crap. I can completely understand why one would mentally and emotionally prepare for a venture such as this. I 100% realize why it's important to seek counsel before hand. 

But let me say this:

I am not going to Korea to find my birth parents. I don't think I need that sort of counseling before I go. While I view this trip as significant, as it is my first trip back to the homeland, I do not see this trip as profoundly important. In other words, I don't want to make this trip into something it isn't. My mother wants me to go to counseling before hand. Okay, I will. I think that it is useless and a waste of time and money, but I'll go. If I do too much preparation beforehand I'll expect something from the trip. I don't want to be disappointed with Korea.

I think there are 2 ways of looking at a trip like this:
1. This is THE trip, the one that I'll remember. I want to make the most of it and figure out all that I want to do before hand. That way I will feel satisfied with my trip when I come home; I'll have done all that I sought out to do.
2. I want to know this newness. I want to experience all the newness this place has to offer. I'm coming with little expectations and I hope to find something that is inexplicably and to beautifully mine. And this trip (maybe the first of many) will be the steppingstone. 

I see my first trip back to Korea aligning with the 2nd way of looking at travel. If I have expectations, I might miss out of the spontaneity of newness. Is this so hard to understand? This is why I think that "preparation" is such crap for me in this instance.

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