I am actively consulting the book of "Everyday Wisdom" for some advice:
"No one can create anger or stress within you; only you can do that by virtue of how you process your world."
So last night I got into a fight with Chris, about our split. I think it's only natural to feel sore about it, and I still am. I think that I know that the situation called for us to split, but the inner romantic in me wishes that he had fought more for us. But that is my view. It could be that I wasn't making enough effort and therefore I didn't fight for us. I think in this situation it's okay that I blame him because yes, I do blame him for letting us go, but I also know that I'm blaming him because I'm angry and upset. My blame isn't sincere, it's an emotional response to festering emotions I have. So really it is my anger and stress to deal with, not his (especially because we are not together any more). I am running on a few hours of sleep, drinking coffee, and I'm seeing everything so clearly. I got angry at him because a) I didn't tend to there hurt emotions sooner, b) I want to blame a person for this and I can't blame myself from my perspective, and c) I am allowed to be angry about it, but I can't make him feel bad about it (that doesn't help anybody).
I'm trying to stay positive, take every experience or interaction as a learning one. I think I'm gaining ground somewhere and somehow, but I still think I'm in the mix of all my "break up emotions," even though I don't want to be. But that's okay. I need time.